So, I went to my doctor yesterday and she has not seen me in over a year. She of course was not shocked at my weight since we have seen it on the incline over the past few years but she was shocked at how jovial I was. I was in a better state then when I last saw her and my outlook on life is a great deal better. In the midst of a lay off and anniversaries of my parents deaths, my mental health is as stable as it ever has been due to the power of prayer. With my latest hardship, instead of letting uncertainty ruin me, I instead chose to practice what I've preached and put everything in my Father's hands. I know he has the best plan in store for me and he knows everything that will come my way and how I will make it through, I just have to continue to trust him. That being said, my physical body is still in its critical condition. My blood pressure was lower yesterday than the last time I had it checked. Yesterday was 150/100 and before that it was 180/100. Which is insanely high and instantly made me fearful of stroke. Then came the talk of my weight. She had not seen me since my recent 30lb weight gain and before that it was a 75lb weight gain. When we last spoke, she had referred me to a weight loss clinic which was great however it was a bit pricey and I could not afford it. From there we decided it was best to have surgery but then I let her know that I explored that path and I weighed too much to have surgery safely. I remember when I attended the bariatric surgery seminar and my heart was broken when I found out I would have to lose nearly 100lbs before I could be a candidate for surgery. Too fat for weight loss surgery. Wow, that hurt! From then I had only gained weight instead of losing it. While weight loss surgery may be something I would consider, I am trying it the old fashioned way first. A surgery will not fix my eating habits, my exercise habits, or my food choices. It will still fail if I do not work on me and choose to do better. That being said, I left the doctors office with two prescriptions for my blood pressure and went right to the health store. If I can't eat right, I need to retrain myself. In the mean time, with my weight being dangerously close to the weight of my mother when she died and my weight coming off at a snails pace, I decided to start incorporating a meal replacement shake into my diet. Honestly, I thought long and hard (giggidy) about incorporating a meal shake into my diet but I finally decided on it. I am scared of being this weight and with the anniversary of my mother's death on Tuesday, I just remembered how I now have similar aches and pains in my body and how her body was unable to continue the fight. Then I thought of how everynight I have to lay in bed and hold my neck so I can breathe because of the fat pushing in on it. I thought of how my back hurts after standing for too long. I thought about my blood pressure being at stroke level. I thought of the panic attacks I have constantly because of my body.
So, I am going to start drinking a protein shake as a meal replacement and hopefully will see a greater drop in my weight at my next weigh in. I won't be replacing all my meals with the shake, I will let you know through trial and error which meals work best. I will also still incorporate my fruits and veggies into my day. I am just scared yall. I got to do something.
So, stay tuned, I will give you an outline of my meal plan.
I am also going back to incorporating my daily vitamin and my fish oil into my day. I go back to the doctor in a month and hopefully my numbers will make her jump for joy.
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