Last one in

So yesterday, I walked a 3k in support of HIV/AIDS awareness. This is a cause I hold near to my heart since I lost my uncle and my father to diseases that were worsened by their HIV/AIDS status. The day before the walk I contemplated every way to get out of it. I knew I couldn't walk two miles, the last time I tried I had to stop and sit down 5 times and it took me nearly two hours to finish. I was determined to participate though, my family was going to be there and I didn't want to let them down. I could have stayed home, I recently got bronchitis and my doctor wanted me to rest but I knew I would regret it if I backed out. So the morning of the walk, I laced up my shoes, popped a few pain pills to deal with what was to come, and headed out. I was already sweating as I walked from the parking lot to the checkin area. That all too familiar pain in my lowerback started to rear its hideous head, I had to sit down. This was NOT good. I hadn't even started walking and already I was tired! I felt a fleeting feeling of shame but my family ensured me that we would make it. As we started the walk, the pace was slow - nearly a crawl - I thought "Hmm, I could do this". But as soon as we turned the corner we hit a slight uphill portion, my back was already starting to whimper as I trudged up the small hill. I saw grown men in front of me walking in heels with no problem (yes, thats right) and dug down to continue. A few blocks in and I started sinking further and further from the middle of the walk to the end. At the halfway point, I found a bench and had to rest. I looked behind me and saw the pacer car. There were only 3 people behind me. This gave me a quick motivation to walk a little quicker. I talked with my aunt as I walked to keep myself from the pain, by now my back was numb from pain. Normally, I have problems walking around a grocery store without holding on to a cart let alone trying to do a 3k walk. I wanted to quit. With only a half of a mile to go I felt my legs buckled and I had to rest. I played it off as my bronchitis but in reality I felt  like I was about to die. My heart was pounding, my back was aching, I wanted to cry and drive home. Then as I looked up I saw the pacer car go by. I would be the last person to finish the race. My aunt gave me encouragement and with a deep breath I stood one last time and decided I wasn't going to stop to the end. As we neared the finish line the pain started to ease and my aunt gave me an enormous hug. "I'm so proud of you" she said as I wobbled to the nearest wall to sit on. I did it. With my sister, my niece, my nephew, my aunt, and my sister's best friend by my side - I did it. I didn't care that I was the last one in. I didn't care that I had to sit down immediately.  An overwhelming sense of pride washed over me and my back pain disappeared. I felt like I could do anything - and then I stood up and my body yelled at me to sit the hell back down - I listened. But in my mind- I could do anything! I'm wondering if my motivation will stay at this level and I am hoping it will. Instead of being angry with myself for letting my weight get this out of control, I am excited to be taking charge of my health.

I hope I can make it....

Sondra